I first started this blog in 2011, when I was still in secondary school, and I’ve rebooted it four or five times since then. The last time I rebooted it, early last year, I wrote a post giving some context for whatever I wrote next. This was partly to lay out my political beliefs clearly so that I could avoid the tedium of clarifying them in every post or in response to future questions or comments. All that stuff is still accurate and up to date, but the rest of the post was meant to stress that “unless I say that what I’m writing about on this blog is important, please presume I merely find it interesting”.
I wanted to frame future posts that way because at the time, I was still in the midst of what we’ll call a years-long case of writer’s block because I don’t want to get into it and the main point is that I had stopped writing. This was highly unusual for me, as I’d been writing pretty much constantly since I was in primary school. From 2012 to 2016, I was mainly a poet, and I’ve mainly been a film and TV critic since then. Since 2017, I’ve written all but exclusively for The Sundae, a blog I co-created and co-edit with my friend Ciara Moloney. I’ve written almost nothing there, or anywhere, since 2021. When I rebooted this blog last year, it was part of a semi-failed effort to get writing again and I wanted to make the stakes as low as possible. I wrote two short pieces on neutrality and tax subsidies that I was pretty happy with, but I just couldn’t properly smash through that writer’s block until late April, when I began investigating a small group of anti-migrant agitators in my area, and ultimately wrote three pieces (1, 2, 3) about what I learned. I now find myself highly motivated to write again, but I can’t do that in good faith without acknowledging the change in context since I last rebooted the blog. I’m not planning to exclusively write investigative pieces here, but I am going to continue writing about local politics, amongst other things.
I can’t do that honestly under the premise that reader should presume I don’t think what I’m saying is important. I want to write for and about things that are important to me, including my community, and if I’ve learned one thing over the last three years, it’s that I can’t write if I don’t write with my heart on my sleeve. I always try to say what I mean and mean what I say, but I’ve let fear of vulnerability and responsibility limit what I write in the past. Not anymore. I’m writing again, and I’m not going to stop.
If it takes vulnerability, that’s between me, myself and I. But if it takes responsibility, I have to be responsible to more than just myself. I don’t care how pretentious, self-righteous or corny it sounds: doing the right thing matters to me. I feel a powerful, overwhelming sense of moral responsibility towards other people and I earnestly believe in an absolute moral law, ordained by God, that is the first, last and only standard against which any ethics can be judged. I will always try to hold myself to the highest possible standards – for better and worse, as far as my mental health goes – but if I’m seeking to promote the good by participating in the public square, I should be accountable to more than just my own self-assessment. If I were writing for a publication, I would have a code of conduct, but I’m writing on my personal blog. I might try to write something like a code of conduct some day, but in the meantime, a new context for future posts will have to do.
First, I need to reset the tone of the blog. I stand by the substance of everything I said in my three pieces on Clonmel Concerned Residents, and I don’t regret my willingness to express my views in the course of reporting facts. However, I was too often reckless with language, especially in the first piece, and the excessive profanity was particularly unwise. I curse like a sailor when speaking or writing freely and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but I showed a lack of prudence, judgement and discipline in how I expressed myself by writing, editing and publishing those pieces in the form I did. They needed more drafts, but I let my sense of urgency about getting the information out override my better instincts as a writer and I let my fear that I’d stop writing again override my better instincts as a person. If harsh speech against others can be justified by moral righteousness, then it should be phrased as righteously as possible. Many leftists are convinced it’s okay to say otherwise unacceptable things as long as the target is sufficiently abhorrent, but I don’t believe in moral get-out-of-jail free cards and I don’t like bullies. I took too much satisfaction from insulting people in these pieces, and continuing to write so recklessly would only feed an ugly instinct toward cruelty I usually try to starve. I will try much harder in future to follow the advice of a wise commenter on my first CCR piece, who said I “need to be objective, not call people bastards etc”. It’s not the first time I’ve received that advice, admittedly, but it’s the first time I’m taking it seriously.
Second, I need to reset the intent of the blog. I want to write about things that are important to the world and things that are interesting to me. As far as opinion, analysis or commentary go, there’s no point pretending I know all the subjects I’ll want to write about, let alone follow through on writing. I’ll still be publishing future pop culture writing on The Sundae, though I have considered writing about video games here sometimes, since Ciara doesn’t play them and it seems cruel to make her edit my takes on them. Broadly speaking though, the topics I’m currently most eager to write on are politics, philosophy, conspiracism, the Internet and Ireland above all things. I have spent too much of my writing life trying to write for a general English-speaking audience and nowhere near enough writing about or for my country. I don’t feel some patriotic duty to glorify the nation or any shit like that, but I love my country and its history and culture, and I always have. I’m sick of not pursuing those passions on the page so I can be more accessible to Yanks and Brits who know nothing of Ireland. I’m done with it. I am not a citizen of the world, I’m an extremely tired man who’s lived all but five years of my life in the floodplain of a single river. I want to write like one.
But I don’t just want to write opinion, analysis and commentary here. I want to write on local issues and I will be doing further investigative work even if I only publish investigative pieces occasionally. I decided early on I could write, at most, three investigative pieces before saying “I’m not a journalist” would start to feel like a lie, and I wrote three on Clonmel Concerned Residents, so I’m all out of excuses. I still don’t feel like a journalist, but whatever I call myself, I have been doing journalism, and I’m going to do more journalism in the future, so I should be held to the appropriate ethical standards. However, I want to make it very clear that I have zero intention of pretending I have an objective point of view on anything I write about. I will never report as fact anything I cannot prove as fact, but I can’t and won’t hide how I feel about those facts. I think it’s more honest to be upfront about my opinion than pretend I don’t have one. It’s one thing when you’re part of a publication or institution that has to collectively stand over what individuals write, and where a strong firewall between news and opinion is actually very important to build credibility and maintain public trust. But I’m just a man with a blog and I’m not putting a firewall in my brain. I would rather be trusted for my independence and integrity than my ability to appear impartial. I may not have the manpower or resources of a professional newsroom, but I will always work as hard I can to ensure my reporting is reliable, accurate and fair.
To that end, I’ve set up a tip jar for readers who want to support my work by contributing towards my expenses. I have limited opportunities for paid work due to a rare sleep disorder and haven’t actively pitched as a writer for years. I’m fine with that, and I’ve been happily writing and publishing pop culture criticism for free since 2017, because I’d rather make nothing than write nothing and I’m too punk to paywall. But I’m putting a lot more work into my new writing and it costs money to access the research materials and public documents I’ll need to do it well. I’m still too punk to paywall, especially work in the public interest, and I still have a rare sleep disorder, so I can’t commit to a regular publishing schedule. The only crowdfunding option that makes sense is pay what you want, when you want, if you want. I appreciate whatever help I get.
Finally, I want to thank everyone who supported me through my long dark three years of the soul and throughout the writing of these pieces, especially my partner, my mother, my friends Ciara, Conor, Matthew and Graham, my neighbour, and everyone in the community who reached out to express solidarity, offer advice or share information. I very demonstrably could not have done it with you.
Left in the Lurch 